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Tribute To Kak Sha

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First of all, I want to apologize for attributing this post to you without your permission.

I know if I ask your permission, you will say, "Ish... xpayah la Jai. Nak buat ape tribute2 nie". Of course, if you are still around to stop me...

Kau Sahabat Kau Teman

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Telah tiba saat waktu kau tinggalkan kami

Kerana takdir yang Maha Esa telah menetapkan

Sedih rasanya hati ini bila mngenangkan

Kau sahabatku kau teman sejati

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Tulus ikhlasmu luhur budimu bagai tiada pengganti

Senyum tawamu juga katamu menghiburkan kami

Memori indah kita bersama terus bersemadi

Kau sahabatku kau teman sejati

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Sudah ditakdirkan kau pergi dulu

Di saat kau masih diperlukan

Tuhan lebih menyayangi dirimu

Ku pasrah diatas kehendak yang Esa

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( korus )

Ya Allah,tempatkannya di tempat yang mulia

Tempat yang dikau janjikan nikmat untuk hamba Mu

Sahabatku akan ku teruskan perjuangan ini

Walau ku tahu kau tiada di sisi

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Perjuangan kita masih jauh beribu batu

Selagi roh masih di jasad hidup diteruskan

Sedih rasa hati ini mengenangkan dikau

Bagai semalam kau bersama kami

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( korus )
Moga amanlah dan bahagia dikau di sana

Setangkai doa juga Fatehah terus kukirimkan

Moga di sana kau bersama para solehin

Ku sahabatku kau teman sejati

Dah enam tahun dah Jai kenal akak. Nampaknye, angka tu berhenti disitu je lah ye. 6 tahun. Lepas habis je IPTIM masa kat matrik dulu, akak layan Jai macam adik akak sendiri. Akak sentiasa ada untuk Jai masa Jai perlukan akak. Hehe... Tapi Jai mengaku, Jai memang sgt aktif join program masa kat matrik dulu. So end up Jai yang xdapat nak luangkan sangat masa Jai dengan akak.

Tak lama kemudian, Yassin come and join us. Dia kawan rapat Jai. Ape yang Jai nak, dia nak jugak. hahaha. Program ape yang Jai join, mesti Yassin pon nak join jugak. Sabo je la. hahaha. So, akak akhirnya layan kami berdua macam adik akak sendiri. Since that, akak nak tau x? Kami sentiasa bersaing nak dapat perhatian akak tau. hahaha. Jai rasa jelous tau kalau akak bagi lebih perhatian n lebih mesra dgn Yassin... Jai dapat rasa kak... Jai baca mesej2 akak dalam henset Yassin... Jai nampak mcmn akak sangat hepi setiap kali brjumpa dengan Yassin. Jai pulak xdapat mesej2 dari akak macam Yassin dapat. Dan expression akak jumpa Jai tak segembira kalau akak jumpa Yassin. Mmm.. Naper ye kak?

Masa tu, sy dah masuk tahun ke dua kat UIA Gombak. Atas beberapa sebab tertentu, Jai jadi rengang dengan akak. Pada masa itu, Jai dapat rasa betapa jai penting bagi akak. Pada masa tu, akak menangis dan cakap kat Jai "Please return back my former brother". Akak buat Jai rasa sangat2 terharu time tu. The fear of losing us at that time finally forced you to spill it out. Akak ade cancer SLE. and it is incurable. Jai rasa macam nak mati masa dengar akak ade cancer time tu...

Selepas itu, tak banyak pon perkembangan yang berlaku... Kita masih agak rengang. Lebih kurang awal tahun nie, 2009. Jai mula kembali kerap mencari akak... I need all the support I can get at that time. Dan Jai percaya Jai masih ade akak. Tapi... Jai rasa akak macam nak mengelakkan diri dari Jai. Akak cakap akak sentiasa sibuk. Belum ada masa lagi untuk Jai. Oleh itu, Jai biarkan akak dgn life akak terlebih dahulu, trying to be an understanding brother. Dan Jai nak akak tahu, tiap2 hari Jai tunggu akak contact Jai, just at least Jai nak tau akak ade terlintas untuk tanya khabar Jai atau tak.

Lepas sekian lama tak dengar khabar akak, tibe2 pada pagi tu Jai dapat that sad news. Akak, akak fikir ape Jai rasa time tu? The last time I saw you was 3 months ago. And the next time I saw you...

Akak ingat, dengan menjauhkan diri or tak bagitahu ape yang terjadi pada diri akak, akak ingat semua orang akan lega n senang hati ke? I'm not kak... I'm not... I am deeply missing you... You left me at the time when I needed you the most...

Well....

At least, I have a chance to lunch with you for the last time while there are others who don't...

At least, I have a chance to send you back home once while there are others who don't...

At least, I have a chance to ask for your forgiveness in my last message that I send to you while there are others who don't...

Thank you...

Semoga akak, Safawati Rustamin, (23rd March 1985 - 16th July 2009) sentiasa dicucuri rahmat Allah S.W.T. Mari kita sedekahkan Al-Fatihah buat beliau...

Dari Profile Friendster beliau

Gambar ni sy ambik senyap2 masa Kak Sha tertido dlm LRT. Hehe... Kak Sha cakap sy gile... ;p

Tiket bas Rapid KL nie, sampai sekarang sy simpan lagi. Sebab ade tarikh lahir akak kat situ. Selama 6 tahun nie, sy tak pernah terlepas nak wish birthday akak kan?.... Ade la jugak certain years yang sy terlambat wish...

Download Link: Kau Sahabat Kau Teman

For more information on SLE, click here

25 comments:

HiDaYah -the guidance- said...

...speechless...
(T___T)

Jai said...

....

T_____T

diknor said...

T__T....
abg....byk2 bersbr tw!!!
adk saaayaang abg...

Nurul Atiqah bt Mohamad said...

owh...akk nh ea yg abg cter kat tqa dlm phone smlm??sedey gak bca post abg nh..huhu...abg..byk2 bsabar ea...ape yg pntg...byk2kn doa tuk kak shafa..semoga dicucuri rhmat Nya...amin...

Jai said...

To Diknor...

Thanx D.Nor... Sayang d.nor jugak...

To Tqa...

Ha'ah. Ni yang crite kat tqa. tu... habis abg xde mood nk tgk wayang... Tqa pon doakan jugak untuk kak shafa ye...

Siti Norbaya said...

Sewaktu mula2 ct baca entry nie.. ct terasa nak meraung sekuat hati bila tengok gambar arwah. tapi waktu tu nasib baik ada angah n mira. jai tahu tak betapa sakitnya menahan peasaan. setakat entry nie di tulis, dah dua malam ct tak dapat tido ngan lena..selama dua malam ct teringat kat arwah... setiap kali teringat saat2 bersama arwah ct menangis..ct masih lagi terkejut.

Jai beruntung, jai tahu dia sakit. tapi ct, ct tak tahu ape2 pun sehinggalah arwah dah meninggal. ct tak bersedia utk terima kenyataan arwah dah takda lagi. seorang kakak yg paling baik ngan ct dah tinggalkan ct utk selamanya. terlalu banyak benda yg ct dah promise dgn dia tp ct tak dapat tunaikan.(i hate this- i cry again)

I MISS HER SO MUCH BUT I KNOW GOD LOVE HER THE MOST.

Ct redha dia pergi... ct redhakan dia pergi. well actually ct syukur dia pergi dgn selamat. cukup lengkap pada hari yg mulia hari jumaat. ct syukur ct dapat melihat arwah buat kali terakhir sebelum dia dikhafankan. ct syukur mengenali insan sebaik dan setabah kak sha. ct tak putus doa pada Allah agar cucuri rahmat atas rohnya.

I KNOW SHE'S UP THERE IN A GOOD PLACE... ALLAH HAD TAKEN HER FROM US... BUT HE NEVER TAKE THOSE MEMORIES THAT WE HAD WITH HER...

IF KNOW LIKE YOU KNOW... I'LL MAKE EVERY SECOND THAT I HAD WITH HER AS MEMORABLE AS POSSIBLE.... I'LL DO EVERYTHING JUST TO SEE HER SMILE AGAIN....

BUT...... I DONT....


Right now... i 'll live with every piece of memory of her.

Saint Dreamheart said...

we all miss her. B strong, dude!
If u need me, u know where 2 find me.

Jai said...

To Siti Norbaya...

Siti... (T_________T)

I fully understand what you feel. Jai pon terkejut jugak. Susah nak percaya. When I fall asleep, I was hoping that day was a dream, where I wake up, and I still can see her around IIUM and smiling at me... Sukar rasanya nak terima hakikat, but we must accept that fact. Jai pon sayang sgt2 kat Kak Sha...

I am trying my best to make her smile... But i don't know why I feel there's a gap between us... May be she want to do the best of what she was doing at that time as long as He allows it...

To Saint...

Thanx Saint... Let us pray to Him that she is in the best condition up there...

ainguzzle said...

i am a friend of arwah. google search nama die dan i saw this. dia bukan cancer. dia SLE. arwah byk bercerita pasal jai.

dia da lama sakit. da 4-5 tahun. final sem kat mtrik, dia start sakit.

last 2-3 months, dia bz pasal byk sgt keja dia buat. dia over-workload. dia sgt gigih buat kerja. well, harapan keluarga, anak sulung, kena support adik lagi.

well, a month before, dia start kronik. ada 2,3 problem occured plak tuh. byk pula dugaan melanda time tu. tu yg lagi pressure kot. dia masuk kuar ward agak luar biasa. asyik tambah darah. pelik juga darah habis kat mana.

after her death, baru tau, org kata salur darah die pecah. dia orang baik-baik, insyaAllah, tempatnya dengan orang-orang baik juga. Amiin.

Jai said...

To ainguzzle...

Thanx for the news. Sy xclose pon dgn kawan2 arwah. So sy xtau nak tanya sesiapa berkenaan arwah. So I highly appreciate the news you told me...

About your news, sy xtau ape nak cakap... thanx again...

ainguzzle said...

You are most welcome...

Dalam tempoh 40 hari before she left us dah byk tunjuk tanda-tanda... last sms her to me: Kalau aku sempat jumpa, aku bayar. Kalau tak, aku minta halal. Hehe.

Time tu she called me and asked for a favour, mintak topup. Time tu dia dah terbaring, dah quit seme keje. Dia cakap nak rehat je. Nak pergi Sg. Besar, rumah keluarga angkat.

Last week, July 10th, i called her and suara lemah sangat. Dia warded lagi, tambah darah. Dia menyuarakan kebimbangannya sebb pinjam CD Abg Din, tak tahu nak pulangkan bila. I guess you know who Abg Din is... I didn't know that she was really serious worrying about that matter. If I could turn back time I wont say what I was saying back then.

I told her: "Kau kan nak buat masters, Abg Din ada lagi kat UIA. Bebila pun takpe. Macam la kau tak datang UIA dah..." (Stupid me. Damn!)

One thing for sure, you are still her adik.

Jai said...

Thanx again ain.

She's lying on bed for 40 days before that? Oh my God... I wish I know her condition at that time... That was the last 40 days of her free time... I might can't be by her side, but at least, if I could turn back time, I wish I am keeping in touch with her at least by weekly.

I know who is Abg Din.

I think that sentence will be just fine. If I am in your position, I might be saying the same thing. To me, that is a little encouragement for her to live on.

Thanx ainguzzle. I highly appreciate your statement. And she will always going to be my kakak. Our kakak actually.

- Me, Yassin, Muhsin, and Siti -

ainguzzle said...

Oh, correction...

Tidak tidak. what i was trying to say in my previous comment is dalam 40 hari before her death byk tunjuk petanda. Bukan terbaring selama 40 hari. Hehe. Cuma within that period, dia kerap keluar masuk wad, unusual than before. Mula-mula treatment, then demam so Dr takut infection.. then kenapa tah, dalam 2x kot. Ingat2 lupa. After that, tambah darah. That was the last.

Dan dalam 40 ahri tu lah, dia quit kaed. Then, econs sebab dia cakap penat sangat dah.

Tell your friends ye, correction ini. Tabah. Tak ada apa-apalah. At least you guys know her progress before.

Jai said...

Okay Ain. Sy sorang je kot yang terfikir macam tu. huhu.. Thanx for telling it into further detail.

Wife Wise said...

alfatihah buat arwah...blog walking gak ni... mcm abg jai..

Jai said...

thanx Ayu... =)

amiera_za said...

abg.... try gk update blog adk tu...
adk taip2 pah pnjg dh taip ye tererase sdri lum smpt pon nk save..
grm la...

pape pon xlupe jgk owez doakn smg arwh sntiasa dccri rhmt...

Jai said...

Ye ke? ciannye... Abg xsabar nak baca update blog d.nor nih. huhu...

InsyaAllah abg sentiasa doakan arwah...

fami said...

still speechless. yet avoidant.

can't let go. yet, don't want to stop thinking.

paces of sorrow halt,
but won't it be plain stupid

not to reach and contemplate?


we all love her. so much. but there is another being who loves her more.

one who love will always care.
if the Being love her more, He will care more than the magnanimous care we can offer her.

so? life must go on. yet, memories will still remain.

Almarhumah will be safe insyaAllah. we'll meet her somewhere, in the future.

Max J. Potter said...

salam. been a while since i last came here.

so. very emotional, this one post; losing someone. it never gets any easier even with time. but i think you'll keep strong. at least for the memories.

i'll quote zharif for this. when Allah takes away someone who is close to you, or something you love, it's a form of a test in which He is actually, directly communicating with you. kamu tahu bukan semua org dihubungi secara terus macam itu oleh Tuhan, kan? not everyone gets that.

dan bila lagi kamu mahu aplikasi ketabahan yg kamu pernah tgk dari org lain? tunjuk pada Allah yang kamu itu tabah, dan layak terima komunikasi terus dari Dia. walk through this with your head up. tak ada manusia yg Allah takkan jemput pulang. and keep one thing in mind, tak pernah ada jaminan yg bila Allah bawa org lain pulang hari ini, Dia takkan bawa kita pulang esoknya.

so keep strong. make the best of the time you have. bila masanya tiba nanti, we'll be reunited with the people we've lost. after all, dunia ini sementara saja, apa lagi isinya, kan?

*hugs*

al-fatihah ikhlas from me utk arwah.

Jai said...

salam. yes you are.

Yup. It takes time to accept this fact. Honestly, it has been a week, but I still can't stop thinking of her everyday. But i will keep strong, insyaAllah.

Nani... T____T

Your words are full of wisdom. As expected from a person who reads a lot. It touches me deeply...

thanks for the hugs n the Al-Fatihah...

Max J. Potter said...

my words aren't full of wisdom, jai. i just happen to be sane and at the same time honest with what i write.

but it feels wonderful when you put it that way. i hope they touched you deeply, in the gentlest and most positive of ways. =)

you'll survive this. ingat Tuhan banyak2.

*hugs*

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Aina Mohammad said...

Kalau aina kate aina tau zepah rase pcaye x ?but i think my stuation is worse .god knows what .kte kna kuat kan zepah kan ?semangat !yes org boleh kata dy paham apa kte rase but do they ?as long as they are not us ,they dont know what does it really feels like .semangat semangat !kte boleh :)